The book "Mr Darcy takes a Wife" is billed as a continuation of "Pride and Prejudice". So having enjoyed P&P immensely, I ordered this faux-Austen off Amazon sight-unseen. I knew something was...ahem...up, when I read the liner note.
"Miss Austen never married, it presumed her own life passed with only the barest hint of romance. Hence, one must presume she went to her great reward virgo intactus. As befitting a maiden's sensibilities, her novels all end with the wedding ceremony. What throbs fast and full, what the blood rushes through, is denied her unforgettable characters and, therefore, us. Dash it all!
We endeavour to right this wrong by completing at least one of her stories, beginning whence hers leaves off. Our lovers have wed. But the throbbing that we first encounter is not the cry of the passionate heart. Another part of her anatomy is grieving Elizabeth Bennet Darcy."
It was about this point when I realized I had unwittingly purchased an erotic novel. That's right ladies and gents, I have discovered the amazing duplicitous form of novel known as 'Jane Austen sex-novel rip-off.'
I am at once repulsed and enthralled. Pause for a moment for my sense of propriety to be shocked and vomit, while my sensationalist nature still holds onto the book in dear promise.
I believe these are commonly known as 'romance novels' but when pressed, there's not much 'romance' in them. Mostly vast quantities of longing, followed by vaguely hidden sex. Hey! Much like life. I crack myself up.
Since when did the prim and proper ladies and gents of Longbourn turn into Sandy and Danny from Grease? Are we all, deep down, wanting summer lovin? Can I expect a very huffy and stiff version of 'You're the one that I want' from pompadour wearing Fitzwilliam Darcy?
"Met a girl cra-zeh for meeeeeee!!"
Although, when you come to think about it, the hidden feelings of Darcy and Elizabeth DO equate to the summer romance of Sandy and Danny...when society butts in it's ugly head, and separates their love. Jane as Frenchy...and Lady Catherine is Rizzo. I can totally see this. Where's a studio executive when you need them?
"Tell me more tell me more, like does he have a carriage?"
So...despite the ahem...graphic...nature of this book, it's still on my bedside table. I will continue to struggle through it for the sake of Jane Austen, the Sandy virgin of period England.
After all, it IS Darcy and Elizabeth. They do speak in period English. They ARE in period dress.
At least some of the time.
"Ah, oh, those su-huh-mer niiiihights! Tell me more tell me more tell me moohohoooore!!!"
