Thursday, April 06, 2006

State of Mind

I am outraged, OUTRAGED I tell you, that California does not have a 'State Donut'! I mean, seriously, what are my taxes paying for if not an elite team of donut-tasting professionals that determine what donut will correctly represent the great state of California in all it's facets and glory?

Louisiana is just sitting there with their haughty attitude, all 'nanny-nanny' that they have the Beignet as their state donut! Sacre Bleu- I hate them. It's all french, and all spiffy in it's powered-sugared splendor. Whatever. And even Massachusetts has the Boston Cream Donut. That may be a technicality since Boston is actually IN Massachusetts. If we claimed it, there might be a fight there - so I'll allow that one to pass.

While reporting this news, I also see that Arizona has state NECKWEAR and we do not. Bolo ties are not neckwear...they're jewelery for men. But Oregon has the pearl necklace. So maybe the term neckwear is a bit of a misnomer. It sounds like they're aiming for more neck-specific jewelery cross-gender. In that case, maybe California might opt out, otherwise we're going to end up with the white pukka shell necklace, and we really don't want that to be official. Yes, we all have one, but let's not admit it.

Georgia has Grits as a 'State Prepared Food' and Texas has Tortilla Chips and Salsa (eaten together) as it's 'State Snack'. Notice the (eaten together) part...that is on the official designation. Not only does Texas have a crack team of snack testers, but they have spent the time to determine that only if eaten together do these snacks qualify to represent Texas. That is the type of team we should be aiming for people!

I don't even know what a Natchitoches Meat Pie is, but I'm impressed that it's the 'State Meat Pie' of Louisiana. Hawaii has claimed 'Tang', Nebraska - 'Kool-Aid', and Texas - 'Dr Pepper'! How dare they! If I want to, I can certainly have Dr Pepper with my lunch. Damn Texas. First Chips and Salsa, now this!

Can I earmark my taxes for state donut development? I think if I wrote Arnie a note, he'd take it to heart. I'm sure he likes donuts too. I met him once for about 10 seconds. I'm sure he remembers me and will focus 100% of his attention and musculature to addressing this pressing problem.

I propose the 'Buttermilk Old Fashioned'. Anyone with me? I'm holding a candlelight vigil and protest tonight at 8. With punch and donuts. Ohh..'Punch' better not be taken, or I'm going to be pissed.


Anonymous said...

That was a GREAT commentary! Thanks for making me laugh so hard.
For California, I think maybe those cake donuts with "nuts" all over them, hmm?

Cheryl said...

There is currently a bill circulating to make Zinfandel California's official state wine. I hear it goes great with chocolate-peanut-butter-banana donuts from Stan's in Westwood.

Egan said...

Mon dieu, mon café est froid! I guess it's donut time somewhere.

Tracy Lynn said...

Dude, Maine has lobsters, chowder, and fried dough, plus we have frappes, which is a milkshake and milkshakes, which is chocolate milk.

Oh yeah, and blueberries, and potatos.

We've been here a long time, so we got dibs.

Schrodinger's Kitten said...

When I hear 'Lobster' I think California. Who ever heard of a 'Maine Lobster'? Sheesh.

And Egan? It's donut time EVERYWHERE ALL THE TIME. D'oh.

I second that Zinfandel motion. White. Beringer. Because we're cheap like that.

Schrodinger's Kitten said...

Yes, donuts with nuts. Good idea! You must be from California. ;^)

Hyperion said...

After seeing what California did to pizza, I'm surprised they don't try to push a donut with wheat germ, sun-dried tomatoes, and possibly some baby spinach.

Or maybe a zesty donut, complete with hot saunce and queso. They could call it them Border Donuts: With holes so big you can walk through!

Tracy Lynn said...

Dude, you kill me. California lobster, indeed. What the hell was I thinking, trying to pawn off my cheap dime store Maine lobster? For shame.

Anonymous said...

Is not the Churro already the state donut of California??

Schrodinger's Kitten said...

oh ho! Churros!

How about Churros with nuts and sun dried tomatoes?