Sunday, April 29, 2007

Interview Me

Best Blogging Bud Cheryl agreed to interview me - here's her questions, and my answers!

1. What would you be if you weren’t a screenwriter-slash-mortgage professional?

Put 'successful' in front of screenwriter. Ah...that would be nice.

2. If you could remake any classic movie, what would you choose and why?

Do NOT remake classics. Screenwriters are unemployed! Although honestly, The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari would be an awesome thriller.

3. If you ran into your junior high friends today, what about you would surprise them most?

The fact that I dont wear checkered Vans.

4. What makes you cry?
That scene in English Patient where he carries her out into the sun. Also really spicy tikka masala.

5. Macgyver wants to marry you, but he’s insisting on a full Catholic wedding, and he wants the two of you to live on a ranch in Montana, thousands of miles from the nearest beach or Anthropologie store. What do you say?

In the name of the Richard, the Dean, and the holy Anderson, Amen. I now pronounce you MacGyver and wife. You may duct tape the bride.

Here are the rules if you want ME to interview YOU....

1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by e-mailing you five questions. I get to pick them, and you have to answer them all.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Friday, April 20, 2007

And how do you feel about that?

So I had a break-up the other day. One with a guy I wasn't dating. Yes, I got a guy I was NOT dating to break up with me. I'm THAT good.

It all stemmed from my standard-issue friend asking me if I was interested in him. In the 'more than friends' way. He didn't have that air of 'I hope she says YES!' to his voice, so of course I vehemently said, "No' and almost as if on cue, pavlovian-style, I suddenly began planning our wedding. I kept our wedding idea scrapbook a secret and I thought we were plugging along as Balki Bartokomous/Larry Appleton-pals, but then as Emeril says, "Bam!" - I got crazy needy, and he freaked out.

Him : "Hey..."

Me: "Are you mad at me? What's going on? Why are you ignoring me? Am I ugly? How come you never call me anymore? Let's move in together. Do you want to be roommates? I miss you. Let's hang out more often! Let's do couple-things but not be a couple. I'm coming over tonight. Can I cook you dinner? How come you don't want to hang out more? Let's go bowling. Why don't you want to go bowling? Do you like me? Are you mad at me still? Do you hate me? Do you? I think you hate me. Do you?"

Him: "Yes."

Thank you! You've been a wonderful audience. I'll be here all week - enjoy the veal!

So the secret is out. No more cooking him dinner. No more waiting for him to call every evening. So I did what all good broken-hearted girls do. I went shopping.

At the mall, I eyed a 275$ Prada purse, but that was possibly too much therapy. Like buying a Mercedes because you stubbed your toe. Walking past HotDogOnAStick, I realized I was still morose, and that not even retail therapy was making me feel better. I also realized those striped HotDog outfits are kind of kinky.

One friend suggested standard psychologist sit-on-a-couch-and-talk-about-your-parents therapy. "Like a spa for the brain" she says. I've never been to a spa, and even getting a pedicure seems like a luxury worthy of only Paris Hilton. Actually, what I think I need is a cupcake for the brain.

So, no retail therapy. No regular therapy. Blogging therapy it is then. It just makes me feel so secure to blog about how insane I am with my massive insecurities. And really, the bottom result is that I think haughtily, "Well, at least my insecurities were validated." I'm also aware how insane THAT statement is.

So the non-breakup breakup is over. And as they say - it takes you twice as long as you were dating to get over it. That means...oh hey - who is that cute guy sitting over there?

Sunday, April 15, 2007

This is my brother

Really, I just wanted to share. Isn't he cute?

Friday, April 13, 2007

Can I be your Muse?

I'm not usually the kind of person that will shill music. I dont pick up megaphones and shout the greatness of the White Album. I don't haunt the 33 record racks at Amoeba. I think Tomas Tallis is equally as interesting as Frank Zappa. So forgive me while I put on my Professor Harold Hill hat for a minute here, and implore you to buy the shiny brass band I'm selling:

Muse: Black Holes and Revelations

I like sitting and listening to an album all at once - makes me feel like I gave the whole 'music enthusiast' thing a shot and really gave the 'theme' a chance. Imagine my surprise to discover that not only had I heard most of these songs already, but they were ones that I had thunk 'wow- I need to get that' the first time around. They got better and better, and I was truly surprised to hear a good album out of a band that I had only known as 'one of those alternative bands from KROQ'.

So, to all you nappy headed hos....go out and get this. Order it from amazon in your pjs. You wont regret it.

Muse, which starts with M which doesnt rhyme with A and that stands for awesome.

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Eggs are so last year

I know the world has changed.

But color me surprised to see the Easter Bunny changing his style.

My friend's kids were looking for easter eggs hidden in their hotel room this morning left by the easter bunny. And suddenly the kids found...


It was under the couch - that easter bunny is crafty with his hiding skills. Just the CD, but complete with some really graphic girl private part photos on the front. Jakob (6) said...'Ewww...naked girls', handed me the DVD and went on looking for eggs.

Maybe it was a present for me. How that crafy bunny knew I was going to be visiting a friend on vacation in their hotel room, I'll never know.

But really - I think he should get some better taste. "Pink and Pretty" isn't really my thing. I'll have to ask for "Big & Buff" next year.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Tips To Improve Your Writing

1. Avoid alliteration. Always.

2. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.

3. Employ the vernacular.

4. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

5. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.

6. Remember to never split an infinitive.

7. Contractions aren't necessary.

8. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

9. One should never generalize.

10. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."

11. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

12. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.

13. Be more or less specific.

14. Understatement is always best.

15. One-word sentences? Eliminate.

16. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

17. The passive voice is to be avoided.

18. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

19. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

20. Who needs rhetorical questions?

21. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

22. Don't never use a double negation.

23. capitalize every sentence and remember always end it with point

24. Do not put statements in the negative form.

25. Verbs have to agree with their subjects.

26. Proofread carefully to see if you words out.

27. If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.

28. A writer must not shift your point of view.

29. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. (Remember, too, a preposition is a terrible word to end a sentence with.)

30. Don't overuse exclamation marks!!

31. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to the irantecedents.

32. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.

33. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.

34. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.

35. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.

36. Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.

37. Always pick on the correct idiom.

38. The adverb always follows the verb.

39. Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague; They're old hat; seek viable alternative