Here we are again with the second incarnation of "Men: Are They Really Worth it?"
In this segment, I again went to yahoo personals and within 5 short minutes, I compiled this nifty list of the best (worst) headers for online dating. These are all real headlines of men my age in the L.A. area.
I thank God every day that I'm single.
I'm worth a million in prizes... - I'll take cash value, thanks.
Comedian - Needs Motorcycle companion - Dammit Jay Leno, get off the internet!
Are you really ready??????? - I'm going to have to go with...No.
Ok, Now What? - Now, I'm walking away.
Together We Can Make A Difference! - scream it with me - "G.I. Joe!!!"
My Basset Hound loves me - She's your type.
Are your no-wax floors REALLY clean? - If you're suggesting we 'wax them'...then, yes.
Oooh! Pick me! Pick Meeee!! - Last in dodgeball, last in life.
leave the g__, take the c______ - why the blanks? Gun, cannoli, we all know this.
"I could drink a case of you" - I don't need a me-drunk, thanks.
dOWNTOWN mAN lOOKING 4 uPTOWN gIRL - Billy Joel is back on the market- yippee!
I know your out there!! - Yes, some girl who doesn't know grammar is out there.
Searching for the 3rd partner - Not sure what this means, but...Kinky.
Ugly but Interesting??? - After the third question mark, I'm going to say...not interesting.
HELLO THERE TO ALL THE SEXY LADY - ....um, Hi Borat.
One Day At A Time - This is it. This is it. This is life, the one you get
So go and have a ball.
Few Good Man - You can't handle the truth!
travel gal needs a pal - Gal? I think you're confused, sir...
dork of all dorks - This might be cute if he wasn't holding a lightsaber.
My Biological Clock is Ticking Loudly - Clearly a real man's man.
I'm Jus D - Jus Go Away.
Play ball! - Let's save the sex specifics for after date 4.
Blink and you'll miss it... - Once again...let's save the sex specifics...
Joe is looking for his 'shortie' - Once again...
All Man with a Big Hart. - Yes, Robert Wagner is pretty hot.
Geez, I should put something witty here - Yes, you should have.
STOP THE CAR!I'VE GOT GREAT CURB APPEAL - But I hear there are termites.
Do nice guys really finish last? - If they want a happy girlfriend they do.
I know you are, but what am I? Infinity! - It's great to know there are mature men out there.
OOga Booga!!!!! - I'm scared already.
Looking but not really looking..... - Emailing but not really emailing you.
"JESUS FREAK" - Are jesus freaks really that self-aware?
Try to set the night on Fiii-eeeer! - What's Fier?
what is your brand of vodka??? - Is this indicative of our type of evening?
goodlooking,fun,honest,actor,no games - actor + no games = oxymoron.
I could put strychnine in the guacamole. - Is death a turn on for a lot of girls? Really...I'm asking.
PERSONALITY GOES ALONG WAY! - But not as far as correct spelling.
long hair, laid back, luv dogs, brain - I love my brain too, but I dont advertise it.
Allow me to introduct myself - into?
You like Garry Cooper? - No..but I love Gary Cooper. You?
Adventurous and ? - Incontinent? Covered in Boils? Nasal?
Waiting for Godot - Hate to ruin the ending for you..but he never shows.
Ow. It just makes my heart hurt.
Really. Thank God I'm single. Thank frickin' God.
2 comments:
Borat and the love-my-brain guy cracked me up.
But c'mon, you've got to email the Waiting for Godot dude. The subject line of your reply could be "waiting for the perfect man." (They're also known for not showing.)
You know...Godot isn't my type...he's all godly and distant.
I actually like Mr. 'Worth a Million in Prizes'...so I'm tempted to see if I can win a stuffed bunny.
Post a Comment