Kitten, Schrodinger's Kitten.

I have been reading all the articles on the James Bond movie coming out next month on the 17th. They generally don't talk about the film, but just buzz incessantly on his blonde hair. Even Daniel Craig himself says "They hate me. They don't think I'm right for the role. It's as simple as that. They're passionate about it, which I understand, but I do wish they'd reserve judgment."

But then I watched the trailer, and was blown away. Blown freakin away. "Yes, considerably."

So I got mad and called up Ian Fleming on my dead-phone. It really comes in handy when you just need to call...say...Mother Teresa, or Jesus, or Ted Knight.

Ring Ring...

ME: Ian? It's me...just wanted to chat about the Daniel Craig blonde thing...

IF: Bloody hell. Those sons of bitches wouldn't know an aston martin from a shark-infested pool. So what that he's blonde! I don't care if he's tweed-colored...he's got to be a serious son of a bitch to play James Bond. And clearly he's better than that fop Moore. What a disaster.

ME: Right! Who the hell likes Roger Moore? I have no respect for those people. None at all.

IF: Really, I didn't like anyone after Connery. Brosnan did well, just not really good in the swim trunks. That Connery had pecks to kill for, and a die-hard man swagger.

ME: Um...ok, yeah. I have to agree there.

IF: Hell of a package.

ME: Yep. Well, hmm.

IF: A real man's man.

ME: I'm getting that.

IF: Mmmm...

ME: What about Timothy Dalton?

IF: (coughing sounds as if he's choking on a martini)

ME: Changing the topic to this movie...you know, as a woman, I love Casino Royale best of all the books for one main reason. It shows Bond at his weakest, and his strongest. He's let a woman into his heart, and suffers greatly for it. It showcases the hard burn that creates the double-o that we know and love. We all know how that works...how love makes fools of us all, but to see it with the ultimate man's man, and how it destroys and ultimately creates him...is genius. Torture of the body and of the soul is what Casino Royale is all about. To breath new life into the Bond franchise indeed. Really, Ian, I think Cubby would be proud.

IF: Jolly spot on, Moneypenny. You're on speakerphone and Cubby has given you the thumbs up from the bar.

And with that lovely image of Cubby and Ian drinking their martinis shaken, not stirred, I hung up.

Bottom line: Craig is more Bond than Connery. And that's saying a lot. A damn lot. He's debonair and can kick some ass without spilling his drink. And he kicks that ass better than Connery could on his best day. And thank god, he's without the Roger Moore version of the puns.

Watching that trailer made me want to go out and kick some ass. Serious ass. And have a drink. And then get me a man. That's what Bond is all about - ass kicking, martinis, and lovin'. Not necessarily in that order.