NonCafSoyhalfsugarfreeNoCalNoWhip Coffee

So, not to get all girly, but I am on a diet, and I'm trying to only eat sugar-free or reduced calorie things.

I always order a coffee at starbucks, and I get non-fat and sugar free. Today I was super hungry, so I also got a piece of sugar free banana bread.

I get back to my office to find that the coffee tastes more 'milky' and sure enough, per their scribblings on the side, it's FULL fat. I open my bread, and see that it's the FULL calorie banana bread.

Now, yes, I can hear you all now - I shouldn't be getting coffee and bread at all or going to starbucks at all if I'm on a diet, and I agree with you. Blah blah blah, you're all right, I'm wrong, get off my back.

That being said, I can only assume by their sabotage of my diet efforts that Starbucks Corp wants me to have a badonkadonk butt. And muffin top. At the SAME TIME.

So I called Starbucks Corp in Seattle, and here's the transcript of our converation. I spoke with their receptionist, John.

SB: Starbucks Corporation, how can I direct your call?

ME: I'd like to talk to someone about getting fat.

SB: Excuse me?

ME: Fat. You're trying to make me fat.

SB: Is this Sara?

ME: Yes.

SB: Hey girl. You're looking fine.

ME: huh?

SB: That's what I'm talkin' bout. Yeah...mmmm....

ME: Ok, You're weirding me out.

SB: You like that huh. Bad Girl. Bad girl with a muffin top. Yeah.

ME: Ew.

SB: You need more stuff to hold on to, if you know what I mean...

ME: I have no idea...

SB: You like that milky coffee today? I know you did. Mmmm...

ME: I don't think I can keep talking to you.

SB: I'm off at 5, Call me later.

ME: ok.

So I called later, and I won't be posting that transcript.

I'm heading to Starbucks this morning for another full fat latte. Maybe a donut. Or two.