Rant

I'm not as good as Dennis Leary at ranting. Nor as 'What's the deal with...' as Jerry Seinfeld. Nor as snarky as Bill Mahr. (Remember when he was an 'actor'? Those were the days!)

But there's a fundamental fact that I just can't let go...

Coffee Bean sugar-free nonfat lattes have 50 more calories than Starbucks sugar-free nonfat lattes.

You know why? Because they use this crappy sugar-free powder instead of normal sugar free syrup with no calories.

So if I was just to go about my normal business and think 'sugar-free, nonfat - that means it's just 2 cups of nonfat milk' I'd be WRONG. OH SO WRONG. Because the main ingredient on their sugar-free powder is CREAM. That's right..powdered MILK. Not NONFAT. So in essence by making my latte sugar-free, I negated the nonfat option!

Yes, I know. No snarky Bill Mahr. No swearing a la Leary. But just about as irritating as someone stealing my marble rye.

And I know toasty.

I just got gangraped by 10 women and 1 really flamboyant gay man.

Ok, it was at Sephora, and not rape per say, but I'm sitting here looking an awful lot like a cross between George Hamilton and RuPaul with over 150$ of unnecessary bronzer.

I barely made it out alive, after being spritzed and fluffed within an inch of my life. I never have been cornered animal-style at a Sephora before, but going at an odd time, I was the ONLY customer in the store and there were 15 salespeople just staring at me with that hungry hyena 'must... apply... stain and gloss..." look. After getting bronzed, stained and slathered in not 1, not 2, but 3 kinds of perfume, I broke free from the pack and ran for the counter to purchase enough goods so they'd let me go unscathed.

I'm a makeup whore. And now I look like one.