Sunday, July 29, 2007

First Blood at the Apple Store


I have apple-shaped bite marks on my hand.

It happened when I went to the Apple store yesterday. I was taking in my old tired G4 tower to get memory-transferred into my new spiffy MacMini...

I lugged that G4 tower on my hip, MacMini in my bag. But, as I entered the door to the Apple store, my G4 turned on me. Put both it's feet out. Braced against the door. It decided it wasn't going back - wasn't getting it's memory put into the young body. It wanted to LIVE!!!

3 black-shirted Apple geeks bounded toward me, and wrestled it to the floor. He screamed, his fan whizzed and he spit resistors at us. While we dodged and weaved, he bit my hand, blood oozing over the Apple store tile.

With me distracted by my blood, he made a dash for the door. A passer-by screamed 'First Blood!'

But the way out for G4 was blocked by a big red-headed 18-year-old Apple kid who looked the G4 in the eye. He quickly made a DOS prompt symbol with his hands. The G4 stopped in it's tracks. Red-headed Apple kid began speaking dulcet tones - I couldn't understand, maybe it was BASIC or C.

Lulled by the BASIC, the three other Apple boys wrangled G4 to the ground. He was still whirring and beeping as they carried him to a nearby door labeled 'repairs'. The red-headed tech, calmly explained to my G4 that he would take care of him, and patted him on the head. He told him it wouldn't hurt.

As the G4 walked off reluctantly, hand in hand with the red-head Apple guy, it turned back and gave me a look - a look of sadness, broken-hearted - he was a goner. I yelled at him to have hope - he'd be retrofitted as an external drive for my edited film clips - a far more important and dignified job! He smiled, but he wasn't convinced.

My new MacMini slept through the whole thing, but as I yelled to my G4 to be strong, MacMini woke up suddenly - stuck his tongue out at my disappearing G4, and pooped in his diaper

4 comments:

Hyperion said...

You're all in a cult, I tells ya....

Anonymous said...

That was great....I laughed like crazy...great way to start a Monday morning...

Tracy Kaply said...

Mac weirdo.

Schrodinger's Kitten said...

We are AWESOME APPLE FREAKS!!!