Because Hyperion Said So

Hyperion threatened my husband (Richard Dean Anderson aka MacGyver) with death if I did not post today. Far be it from me to mention that I am CONFINED TO BED by doctors orders due to back spasms. In fact, it hardly hurts. Not even noticeable if you don't count the hot searing pain and writhing followed by bouts of falling to the floor.

However, I shall post on...

Last month, the results of a poll commissioned by the McCormick Tribune Foundation (designed to urge people to become better prepared for disasters) asked Americans whom among seven fictional heroes they would choose to ask for help in the event of an emergency.

MacGyver (27%)
Indiana Jones (16%)
John McClane (14%)
James Bond (8%)
Jason Bourne (8%)
Jack Bauer (7%)
Lara Croft (7%)

When Richard Dean Anderson was approached for a comment about the survey results, he sent this response:

"My initial reaction was: Aw, shucks...But then I'm thinking, well, yeah, he could handle it. In fact, truth be known, I'd want to be with Mac in any dire strait, too. I am flattered by the vote of confidence. And if any of the 27% need anything, let me know.
'Mac'"

I really need you to come over and rub my back, Rick.

Seriously.

Call me?

Match.me

I did it. I officially became one of the lovelorn throng.

I joined match.com.

I shilled out my 40 dollars. (holy jesus!) 40 bucks for 1 month of potential torturous flipping through pictures and profiles and finally realizing that I don't like anyone, and it's not worth it.

As soon as my credit card cleared with a mighty ka-CHING, Match sent me the following email:

"Hold on to your heart, schrodingerskitten, you just got a subscription for LOVE"

No, I am not joking.

James Always Loved You Best

Lois Maxwell (a.k.a. Moneypenny) 1927-2007

Bond: Moneypenny, what gives?
Moneypenny: Me, given an ounce of encouragement! You never take me to dinner looking like this James. You never take me to dinner period.
Bond: I would you know, only M would have me court-marshalled for "illegal use of government property".
Moneypenny: Flattery will get you nowhere, but don't stop trying!

If only

Only in my dreams do I get my foot broken while riding on George Clooney.....'s motorcycle.

Size DOES Matter

My toes are happy. Not since the great foot massage of '02 have my toes been so happy.

I have discovered the miracle that is sock-sizing.

Yes, you heard me. Sock-sizing. Most socks come in one size - women's. Alas, some of us have feet...say...the size of men...and women's socks are tight. They stifle. They stretch. The heels hit my arch. The ribbing leaves permanent scarring on my ankles.

So I was amazed to discover that there are some companies (thank you Hanes) that make socks for women with up to size 12 feet! Glory be!

I bought a package, and slipped a pair on...my god. They fit. My feet can bend without the sock flipping off a la Cinderella.

And my feet look normal, not like big giganto feet squeezing into baby socks. Which makes me feel good about my feet. And sexy.

Because you know what they say about women with big feet. *wink*

Saved by the WTF?!

My friend P is watching the DVD's of 'Saved By the Bell' - the entire series.

Now don't go grabbing your hair screaming 'Why god, why?' just yet. He says he wants to relive his childhood. However, references to Screech and Slater are going to get him shot sooner or later. By me.

So I got to thinking about what DVD's would help me relive my childhood...

Here's what I came up with.

'Simon and Simon' to relive my insane crush on Parker Stevenson.

'A-Team' to relive my laugh EVERY FRIKKIN TIME the cylon walked past Dirk Benedict in the opening credits.

'Magnum PI' to relive the time when I finally figured out who Robin Masters was.

'MacGyver' to relive my eternal love for defusing atomic weapons with gum and paperclips.

'GI Joe' to relive my screaming '...and knowing is half the battle!'

'Smurfs' to relive my belief that Handy and Smurfette were meant to be together.

'Ducktales' to relive my screaming 'D-d-d-danger!"

'Silver Spoons', because really, didn't we all want that train?

Guess Where I'm Going Tomorrow?

1 in 5

I guess it makes me feel less incompetent that I can't find someone either.

From e-harmony..." Unfortunately, we are not able to make our profiles work for you. Our matching model could not accurately predict with whom you would be best matched. This occurs for about 20% of potential users, so 1 in 5 people simply will not benefit from our service. We hope that you understand, and we regret our inability to provide service for you at this time. "

When Switches Attack!!

Holy Sweet Jesus, Ow.

All from a light switch.

Who would have thought that my light switch could do so much damage? I mean, short of opening it up and wiring my genitals to it, of course. (BTW, that's not good. Don't try it. Screw peer pressure. If all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you? No wiring genitals.)

To clarify...I fell into my light switch yesterday.

It was a cat's fault. I stepped, cat was present underfoot, I tried to shift weight, and fell into the wall. BUT (here's the important part)...the part of the wall where the little flicker light switch was. A tiny 1/2 inch moveable piece of plastic.

And it ripped the crap out of my arm.

Literally, the skin just caught on the switch, and it was RIPPED off as I fell down.

And then the lights went out.

Sigh.