Sunday, August 27, 2006

Pastrami - Portman

I've decided that Pastrami on Rye is located at the center of the universe. It links us all in a karmic and cosmic beautiful way that can only be deciphered by a higher power named Yahweh, or possibly 100 typing monkeys that have already finished with Hamlet. Or me in this blog.

And the that elusive center of the universe where this Pastrami on Rye is located? : Canter's Deli.

Cheryl and I decided to gain 10 pounds so we moseyed on over in the evening to have our self declared 'Honorary-Jew' standby: Egg Cream, Pastrami on Rye, and a Black & White cookie.

I was going to swing by the Museum of Tolerance first to make it a 'Jewish' afternoon, but after seeing a special on the SS in the morning on the History Channel, I had had enough of the holocaust for one day. It's a downer. And probably not what the Jews would hope you'd remember most about their culture. I personally remember them for Pastrami on I'm not very tolerant, obviously. I told Cheryl it really wasn't worth blogging about this day unless I had the whole 'theme' thing going...but she reminded me the night is young, and a theme might still arise.

So we noshed on our sandwiches, and tried really hard not to stare at Natalie Portman at the table next to us.

Cheryl's new haircut looks good, so we spent a good 30 minutes dissecting why she still didn't like it, followed by more non-staring at Natalie Portman. As always at Canters, the wait staff is neglectful and snobby without reason...that new Burger King Pastrami Burger commercial filmed there is pretty accurate. Snobby waitresses don't make for good theme either.

Afterwards, we walked down Melrose, sat in chipped old chairs to read The Onion, and sip Coffee Bean frappucinno-esque beverages. The highlight of the walk was the searching for bathrooms like Indiana Jones and the Temple of the Forbidden Bidet. Who ever heard of a coffee shop with no restroom? And dagummit - no theme yet.

Next came the drinks portion of the evening (here she is...the drinks portion of the evening (to the tune of miss america)) at the Formosa. We spoke of a 'sheet cycle'...meaning how long your sheets are good is it ok to sleep on dirty sheets, and can you invite your significant other to sleep on your dirty sheets, and what if you've been having 'fun' by yourself on those that gross, or since the fluids are the same, does it really matter? We've created a detailed manifesto on sheet manners if you care to read it. Alas, no theme there either. Is it possible these random events are truly random?

Dirty sheets are the kind of things we talk about when the waitress serves gin and tonics with the consistency of lighter fluid. And my maitai was straight rum with a cherry. Not my typical mai tai...then again, this isn't the typical joint. I believe the Formosa was cool at one point. It is no longer. There are no actual celebrities inside. Canter's already had it beat with Miss Portman.

So, there you go. That's the end of the evening... and I have no theme, but I do have the six degrees of Pastrami on Rye.

Pastrami, Canters, Tolerance, Fappucinnos, Dirty Sheets, Natalie Portman. Eat your heart out Mel Gibson.


Cheryl said...

I was on the side of clean sheets, of course, while Sara was on the side of filth. Really, Sara, you ought to be ashamed!

Anonymous said...

"The Six Degrees of Pastrami on Rye"...a great title for a compilation of your blogs...

Schrodinger's Kitten said...

Gore and Clean sheets in '08.

Ohh...good title. I think 'Ramblings of a Pastrami on Rye' might be better.