Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Train of Thought Derails! Passenger Hospitalized.

So this morning I fell off my elliptical.

For those of you who don't know (men), an elliptical is like a stationary bike, but you stand and it has punching arms handles in front.

Instead of going to a gym, I have one at home for a myriad of reasons. One is that I tend to work out in as little as possible, and sometimes that flys, and sometimes I just can't go out into public wearing hot pants and a ripped t-shirt that says 'New York Fuckin' City'. Also, I have to shower IMMEDIATELY after working out...yes, I am OCD, but there it is. And usually I just 'roll' with my legs, but punch arms at imaginary foes like Patrick Swayze in Road House. Or do arm signal flags spelling out 'I-M-W-O-R-K-I-N-G-O-U-T." My personal favorite arm workout is 17 year old cheerleading moves. I forget triple intergrals, but I remember the timing of a routine I learned when I was 15 to Salt N Pepa.

So I'm in the middle of spelling out "I-H-A-T-E-T-H-E-E-L-L-I-P-T-I-C-A-L" with my arms when the lyric of the random song I'm listening to finally registers...

Downtown's been caught by the hysteria
People scream and shout
A generation's on the move
When disco spreads like bacteria

What a terrible lyric! Who wrote this song? Why would you ever equate Disco with a bacteria? It's not like it's annoying or anything.

The golden years
The silver tears
You wore a tie like Richard Gere

What did Richard Gere have to do with Disco? And in what movie? Did I miss the Saturday Night Fever remake?

Now I'm thinking of Richard Gere wearing a tie, and what tie did he wear that was so iconic?

Then I'm wondering how come I can't remember any Richard Gere movies except Pretty Woman and American Gigolo.

Then I think maybe he didn't DO any other movies after Pretty Woman and American Gigolo...

Then I start thinking of Gigolos, and men in suits, men of the 80s...

Armani suits walking into 80's movies...

And then back comes the image of Patrick Swayze from Road House and Richard Gere dancing together in Dirty Dancing both wearing Armani.

"Nobody puts Richard Gere in a corner!"

Then I remember telling an old friend of mine "You're like Richard Gere but without the religious conviction"

And he replied "but with the gerbil"

And then all I can think about is gerbils.

And suddenly in the middle of the Salt N Pepa routine I start laughing hysterically and land flat on my butt with an Ipod bud up my nose.

It could have been worse. It could have been taped.
Or I could have been the gerbil.


Tracy Lynn said...

I got more exercise laughing at you exercising than you did on the damned elliptical.

My kidneys thank you.

Anonymous said...


erat said...

I'm trying to picture the gymnastic wipeout that would result in an earbud up you nose and I'm failing miserably, but the special effects I'm giving the scene in my brain are the shiznit so I don't mind.

Great story!