I could be plugging along eating jelly beans...pear, buttered popcorn, root beer, lemon, coffee, pina colada...
and then - like suddenly falling off a cliff...CHERRY. Medicine Cherry. Nasty, disgusting, fresh with your momma Cherry. Dirty foul-mouthed platinum blonde hooker Cherry. Bitchslap Cherry.
I run for water, soda, anything to cut that taste - I roll on the floor, stop drop and roll, still it invades my senses - CHERRY CHERRY CHERRY, ungulfed in that nasty taste until I faint in horror.
When I come to, I begin again... strawberry, mandarin orange, vanilla bean, coconut, lemon-lime...
and then WATERMELON. Sickly sweet gritty gag-reflex Watermelon. Car Salesman Watermelon. Carpet-licking Watermelon.
Gag, choke, what's the universal sign for choking? too late...then ...whoops, there she goes fainting again.
Too much unconsciousness. THAT's why I don't eat Jelly Beans.
6 comments:
Cherry and watermelon may be naxtay, but yeesh, you eat POPCORN JBs?? For me, those are the ones that most reliably cause lunch to repeat. There's something so utterly and completely bathtub-farty about popcorn JBs that I'm shivering just thinking about them.
I guess to each his/her own, eh?
I must now use the term "bathtub-farty" in every blog post. FOREVER.
Hey, I LOVE the buttered popcorn jelly beans, and I refuse to think of them as bathtub-farty. Though I realize they're probably slightly less popular than cherry.
Bathtub-farty is the new black. MORAL IMPERATIVE!
I agree with Cheryl. The buttered popcorn jelly bellys are splendid. My absolute favourites are the grapefruit ones.
Grapefuits are indeed the best, Dragon - Buttered popcorn is just 'new-fangled' cool. Cheryl is what I think of when I think of 'new-fangled' cool.
I can't get bathtub-farty out of my head.
And now that TL said 'moral imperative', I'm going to watch that movie!
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