An Ode to IKEA Meatballs

Your meaty goodness abounds

Lumps of flavor and nutrition

Shall I 6, 8 or 12…or shall I bag downstairs later?

All is desired, and wanted

Balls of lovelyness

Gravy covered o’er your mounds of greatness

Ikea meatballs how I love you so.

This amuses me immensely.

Update

Hmmm. I realize I haven't been around in a while, and I don't really have a firm reason why. I think I've just become obsessed with a variety of things, and then they end up sucking in all my time. There was a 4 week period where I was thinking about Paninis every spare second, and yes, there was an amazing proscuitto and brie panini that resulted in that focus, but I probably could have unraveled the space-time continuum if I was broadening my focus in other ways.

So here is a list of some of the things that are circulating in my brain as my next potential obsession.

1. Wrapping paper. It's so much more than a present covering. It's an actual present itself. I am obsessed as to why amazon.com does not have a large selection. And I am loving the container store selection. Also, Ribbon should be in it's own category, but I'm putting it here due to this corollary to the wrapping obsession... RIBBON is not plastic bows that you stick on a present with adhesive tabbies. It's long thin pretty ribbon you tie in a shoestring bow yourself. THAT is what makes a present.

2. Chinese Democracy. Not the album itself, but these fans who insist on proving they own something. Like that makes them a part of something bigger than just listening to music. It makes them cool...or does it? And since my boyfriend is on there as one of those GNR lovers, the answer is yes, baby...you are cool.

3. Pumpkin cheesecake ice cream. It just seems wrong. And yet, oh so right.

4. Dry skin. Which moisturizer is the best, and why? Is there a way to drink some cocktail of vitamins that will go straight to your skin and make it smooth? Why do I care? Why is my forearm totally moisturized, and my upper arm totally dry? Isnt all the skin connected? Or is there some rhyme and reason to my patchiness?

5. Obama's fireside chats. No, I haven't seen it, but it seems like a topic I COULD obsess on, that's why I seem to be avoiding watching it.

6. Facebook. It's just so....useless. And yet, there I am on it all the time.

7. These Burlesque costumes on ebay. They are awesome. I mean...awesome.

8. Ugg boots. I am getting to this concept about 4 years too late, but I LOVE my stupid little Target Ugg ripoffs.

9. Cheesecake Factory Louisiana Chicken Pasta.

10. Paninis. I don't think I'm done with this yet. I bought a panini maker, and now my obsession is expanding into crudites, and miniature sandwiches. This is a problem. Help me! At least help me eat what I make...

I predict...

NO ON 8!

Now back to your regularly scheduled silence...

Bucky

I could live in Starbucks.

They serve my ‘I must be specific about the amount of sugar pumps in my pumpkin spice latte without a grimace from you’ coffee needs, my lunchtime ‘I’m pretending I’m in paris eating a ham baguette with cherries’ sandwich needs, my ‘ I am attempting to be healthy so I’ll eat vegetables in dip which actually equals the calories in a sandwich’ needs, and now, they meet my ‘something which seems like a breakfast food that doesn’t come from mcdonalds’ needs.

They now serve oatmeal.

Sure, it’s the same instant kind I could get a the grocery store, and make at home. But it comes with dried fruit, and brown sugar packets, and nuts. And it’s just so darned cute.

And the calories are all marked! So I can see that when I’m trying to keep my breakfast at 200 calories, the brown sugar mix and dried fruit and nuts actually makes it 400 calories.

But what a perfect 400 calories it is.

If only they had fold-out beds.

What Rap has been missing...

omg. wow. um...

Why Norway Will Never be a Superpower...

Speaks for itself.

Why?

A good question, my friend. A very good question.

Like sands through the hourglass...

Santino passionately kissed Beth Phoenix. Beth Phoenix grabbed Santino's hair, and kissed him right back.

These are my stories.

Are Santino and Beth going to get together?
Is Cena dating Mickie? Or just friends? Why were her panties at his house?
What's going to happen to Edge and Vickie now that they're married and he's cheating on her?

Will Tom romance his younger sister accidentally? Will John steal Marlena from Roman? DId someone curse Luke & Laura's marraige? Is John really Stephano's half brother? were Stefan and Laura lovers and is Stefann possibly Nikolas' father? Did Laura kill Rick Webber? Is it all just a daydream by an autistic child looking at a snowglobe? Ooops....getting ahead of myself.

Yes, I am a WWE Opera fan.

Witness the moment between Santino and Beth. Wrestling, Kissing. Strange emotions in the air. It's got it all.

Don't judge me or I'll swanton bomb you.

Chekov had it easy

There's a moment when you're sick...a moment wherein you finally think 'enough is enough' and 'this is ridiculous' and 'I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore' and that moment for me happened last night when suddenly blood poured out of my ears.

I'm not talking Exorcist here - it wasn't some crazy horror-movie bleeding. And it wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been. But when you're realizing blood is coming out from a location it usually doesn't , you have to take pause and think 'well, that can't be good.'

There are things that should not go in or out of your ears. Wrath of Khan Chekov Bugs (yes, that's their official name) should never go in your ear. Blood should never come out of your ear.

SO that being said... it gave me pause, and it made me realize that now is the time to see a doctor. Blood out of ear = Doctor.

I have bad experiences with Doctors. They think I'm faking it. They say 'oh, you've been sick as a dog for 3 weeks, and throwing up? It's just a cold. Hang tight little soldier' and shuffle me off home to die alone desperately clutching my nyquil. They say things like 'The worst has passed, it's not worth medicating now.' and 'that flu can be a killer - just keep up with the tylenol.' Needless to say, Tylenol does nothing for the flu. And really, neither does any other medication. It takes you from ' I'm dying!' to 'I'm dying while sitting up!'

And so with this new physical proof of my illness (aka bleeding out of your ears can't be good) I went in and amazingly enough got a perscription for some actual medication to make me better. Miracle of miracles. A Doctor that helps you when you're sick. It's almost an oxymoron.

Although I shouldn't get my hopes up for it happening again. But I'll keep an awl by my bedside just in case I need to poke myself in the ear again to get some actual medical attention.

Movie...THE Movie.

I was privy to a conversation yesterday between my bf(boyfriend) and his bf(best friend) about how they really didn't like the last Bond movie. And the first thought that came into my mind was... 'slit his throat'...and then my second thought was...'they don't get it.'

I really think, if you didn't grow up reading Ian Fleming, then you don't know Bond. And those people won't care for these movies, since they're not the fluff of yesteryear.

So...watch this with that in mind. And if you don't get a tingle of 'oh YEAH!' from this... watch your throat.

Dammit!

I missed THIS. How is that possible?

Sigh.

I Must Go Here.

Mullets might come back. They might. Don't mock my love.

But they're ORGANIC

Do you ever find yourself buying things that are the same as other things, just with different labels, and the label made the difference?

Like..I bought 'organic fruity bears' at whole foods. They would appear to be healthy based on the title, yes? Organic = good. Fruit = good. Bears = awesome.

BUT, in reality, these are sugar coated gel pectin candy, and are no better than something you'd get in a bright shiny package at a candy store. But I bought them due to the pretty vegan wholesome advertising label.

AND - I feel no guilt in eating one. It's an Organic Fruity Bear! It's like I biked to work and recycled everything and wear vegan shoes. Organic Fruity Bears!

I think that's all advertising is...making us feel better about ourselves through mass trickery. There's no big moral here, really...I just wanted to admit that I understand I'm being tricked. I'm on to you people. And I will point at you menacingly as I eat my healthy and delicious organic fruity bears. Yum!

Peas and Gravy

I just realized - I don't like MIXED flavors. I'm not a mixer.

Take gummy bears. I feel deep down that you should eat only one color at a time. Put 6 red ones in your mouth - YUM. But put a red and green in there? CACOPHONY!!! TRAITOROUS!!! BLASPHEMOUS!!!!

I feel the same about citrus candy - like those ones that are shaped like oranges and grapefruit slices. Oranges go with Oranges. Grapefruit goes with Grapefruit. Oranges do NOT go with Grapefruit and we will NOT have that type of fraternization in THIS SCHOOL.

I am a flavor racist. NO Orange will drink out of the same water-fountain as MY grapefruit!

Plus, I really don't like gravy getting all over everything at Thanksgiving. But thats a whole different topic.

My God I Love Japanese Game Shows.

Ohhhhhhhhh no

Now that I've found a wonderful, smart, cute, loving boyfriend on match.com...I thought I should share with you one of the first e-mails I got from someone on the site. I think it speaks for itself.

subject : hi
ohhhhhhhhhhh beuty

Wow. Who knew?

Somehow Sesame Street is plugged into my 'secret needs'. Wink wink.

Things my boyfriend said:

“Hey look it’s you! No wait…that’s Hitler” upon seeing a Wii character he created in the sidelines of Mario Kart 3.

SCHMOOPY!

In case you're wondering why I've been relatively silent for the last 6 months - I just celebrated a 6 month anniversary with a BOY. Meaning a person of the male gender. A MAN. A human with a penis.

That's right...I haven't been blogging, because I got a life. I heard my brain, in an oh so subtle William Shatner-esque way, imply that I needed one. And I went out to find it, and there he was, innocently calling himself the Gonzo of the world...complete with car, job, and cute little face.

I could of course, start blogging about how adorable he is, and how much we're in love, and how he's my schmoopy, and I'm his schmoopy...oh wait..was that the sound of you vomiting? I thought so.

So, basically what I'm saying is that you should THANK me for being silent. That's right...you owe me.

I like chocolate. I'm just sayin...

The most awesome video game I've ever seen

Human Tetris

I recently cancelled my cable. There was nothing on. Except Dexter. Everything else sucked.

So I watched re-runs of the Japanese Game Show Human Tetris on You Tube. They are genius. Possibly more genius than Dexter, but in a totally different way. Less serial-killing, more yellow water.

Then I got this e-mail from a casting agency:
"The TV phenomenon sweeping the world is making its way to American soil! This project is the most downloaded Japanese Game ever on the net. Now FremantleMedia, the company behind American Idol, America's Got Talent, and The Price Is Right along with a major American television network are looking for trios (friends, co-workers, spouses, etc) to take part in an airable pilot for one of the most outrageous, funny, and challenging game shows ever seen on Television. Go to Youtube and search "HUMAN TETRIS" to watch how the game is played on the original Japanese gameshow!"

Holy CRAP! That's right! HUMAN TETRIS IS GOING TO BE MADE IN THE US!!!!!!!!!!

I almost peed my pants. Does anyone want to be on my team? Seriously. I'm totally serious.

Call me. I'm practicing the splits right now. Seriously.

Seriously.

Crazy

I'm a little behind the times, but I've been listening to THIS SONG non-stop.

Call me crazy.

...so are the days of our lives.

John Cena WWE Superwrestler, my boyfriend Dave, and me.
No, I'm not sleeping. I swear.

Like sands through the hourglass...

I'm heading off to see WWE Raw tonight LIVE! Yes, I know in all the years you've been religiously reading this blog you've never heard me ONCE mention pro-wrestling. That's because it's a recently acquired taste due to the influence of D, who has been educating me on the allure of soap-operas er...I mean pro-wrestling. They're interesting! Things happen! Feuds, proposals, midgets wrestling their father...it's all part of the daily fun of soap-operas er...I mean pro-wrestling.

My point in bringing this up is that on the ticket for tonight it says 'no lasers/videocameras'.

So, I'll be leaving this at home.











It would have made for great drama, tho, when Stefano whips out the death ray to kill Marlena, who then fakes her death and then they both fall off a cliff while wrestling their fathers.

No Hyperion, this is NOT my boyfriend

New Marketing Geniuses

I think this covers all the important plot points, don't you?

Disgustingly cute.

Boyfriend D sent me this in response to my previous post:



I know. We're so pathetically cute it makes you want to vomit. Go ahead. I'll wait.

Match update

My boyfriend D announced to me that he was changing his myspace profile to read 'in a relationship'. And although all I said was 'awwww!', it made me feel like this:

I can't stop...watching...

In case you're wondering, Tarako is a Japanese company that sells spaghetti with cod roe. Bags of which is what's apparently on their heads. And no, I dont know what the babies mean. Don't question, just let the cupies and their hypnotic commercial rut into your brain.

Schrodinger's LOLCAT

Fine. I used to work in Porn.

Hyperion sent me an email with the note..."As usual, when I see porno and physics, I think of you....."
and the link to this comic

He hit it on the head. Sigh. You got me.

So, since it's out there...here is a pic from my porno where I derive Schrodinger's equation while in stockings.

Gotta love the comic-dorks.

I e-mailed my boyfriend D, a huge comic book fan, and I told him that I was not sleeping well...

The following is his response.

"basically superman was in this battle with braniac once where braniac fried his brain, and as a result of the injuries, over the next several issues superman noticed he was sleeping less and feeling less & less energized at work. he'd be at his desk at the daily planet with stubble on his face and someone would be like, "jeez clark are you feeling ok?" meanwhile this new superhero shows up on the streets of metropolis named "Gangbuster" who only patrolled the streets & night and was super-violent with all the criminals. superman kept trying to track him down but was never able to find him.

then one day Gangbuster gets into a fight with another superhero called The Guardian, and at one point Guardian swipes at Gangbuster's armor & tears his shirt. Gangbuster looks down at his torn shirt and sees the superman logo underneath! that shocks him and suddenly he realizes that he IS Superman, and Superman IS Gangbuster--he had been parading around in his schizophrenic state as this phony made-up superhero who was acting out all the stuff that Superman never let himself do in his waking life! Basically all the stuff Batman does but Superman says he would never do. So this totally shocked Superman so much that he exiled himself to space for a while because he didnt trust himself around humans anymore. he later returned to earth of course once he was sure he had been cured. so even Superman has trouble sleeping sometimes!"

You gotta give him props for the effort.