Friday, March 24, 2006
The gnomes got my DVD!
Not nearly as dramatic as South Park's underwear-stealing gnomes, I unfortunately have an infestation of DVD stealing spiders.
I borrowed my friend John's DVD of 'Cinderella Man', and despite NOT watching it and returning it without even opening it (I'm lazy), the case was empty. Now...far be it from me to accuse said friend of loaning me the empty box in the first place...ahem...naturally, I just have DVD stealing spiders.
I say spiders because how else could a creature get into a closed DVD case! Far too big for gnomes. Gnomes also have 4 fingers, so without opposible thumbs, they're out. Spiders can just slllliiiiiiddddee in there. And then, consider the logistics of getting that case open from the inside, and sliding the DVD out without detection. They know teamwork. How else could they spin those 10 foot webs that stripe my walkway that I run into after just fixing my hair? Also - spiders just seem the type to want to see 'Cinderella Man'. It's their machismo. And everyone knows Renee Zellweger has a huge following in the black widow underground.
Evil geniuses. Although they didn't steal 'Schindler's List'...which is a judgement call wherein I question their intelligence. Granted, it's in a bigger case, but I think 'Cinderella Man' is more of of an acquired taste. I mean, they should at least have stolen 'Caddyshack'. It's a cult classic! I don't have 'Spiderman', otherwise...well, I think that's obvious.
But what I can't figure out is where their DVD player is. Possibly in the walls. It might explain those late night booming sounds from next door. I always thought it was my neighbors getting it on...but it's just Russell Crowe. Honestly, I'm relieved.