Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Tse-Tse Fly, Bi#$%^&*#$tch

I've taken to calling myself 'Bitch' in self-conversation. Such as "Time to paint your toenails, Bitch." Or "Makin' lunch, Bitch." Always said with a slight biy-atch accent and head roll. It could be I've been alone too long, or it could be that I'm getting really excited about the new season of Entourage starting on the 11th.

If you haven't seen it, I have 2 things to say:
1. What is wrong with you?
2. ...Bitch?

For newbies...Entourage is : (according to imdb) Film star Vince Chase navigates the vapid terrain of Los Angeles with a close circle of friends (Brother Johnny Drama, Manager Eric (E), and slacker Turtle) and his trusty agent, Ari Gold. Said agent played by Jeremy Piven. There's something about Piven. Something beyond the unspoken 'best friend of Cusack' vibe...something beyond his brilliant yet failed sitcom, 'Cupid' wherein he played...can you guess...Cupid! How is that for casting brilliance? As Ari, world's snottiest agent, he's the bitch we all wish we could be. Hence his catch-phrase upon an argument: "Let's hug it out, bitch."

"I've never said fuck so much in my life," Piven says about playing Ari. "I feel like a David Mamet play on the road."

Despite their denial, it's already become the Sex and the City for men. Entertainment Weekly just published an article "Which guy are you?" and sadly, I am E: Dependable, reliable, boring, can commit, and support my buds at all times. I WISH I was Ari: Snot, cocky, funny, insensitive bastard who gets what he wants by demanding it and expecting the world to revolve around him and his hot self. Much like on Sex and the City - I was Charlotte, but wished I was Samantha. Heck...everybody wishes they were Samantha.

So when I got compared to Ari again for the 2nd time in a month the other day...I was honored beyond words. It wasn't due to my cocky self (I wish) but more due to my dog-eat-dog you-better-conform-and-like-it mentality on the entertainment industry, and those...ahem...cocksuckers in it. Here's a quote from my EW diagnosed self Eric, and my man, Ari:

Ari Gold: So you come to me for advice. I'm gonna fucking cry. All right, here's what you do. You deal with talent the same way that you deal with women. You have to make them believe that they need you more then you need them.
Eric: He doesn't need me that much.
Ari Gold: Of course he doesn't need you. You're fucking worthless. I could get a million morons to come in here and do the job. That's not the point.
Eric: Then what is the point, Ari?
Ari Gold: The point is that he is an insecure fuck, like all beautiful-but-handed-everything-on-a-silver-platter people. He doesn't trust anyone in this world but you. You've been born into royalty baby. You know it. Now you just gotta be thankful, and wear the crown.

I wish my entertainment industry prowess would catch on, and I'd be bitching it out with the hot playas on the hot lists. Because...don't hate the playa, hate the game. Bitch.


Cheryl said...

Charlotte always has the cutest dresses, though.

Schrodinger's Kitten said...

But Carrie has the best shoes and the hottest man, the bitch.