Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Apple/Tree/Not Far


I called my Grandmother recently to cheer her up, and let her know about my being laid off and looking for work in the entertainment industry. Here's our conversation.


Schrodinger: How is your dog Sweetie? Did the vet say she was ok?

Grandma: Yes, she's fine, and the vet is terribly busy, she needs a new receptionist. You used to love animals, maybe you should be a receptionist?

S: I actually have a MFA, so no, I'm not going to be a receptionist.

G: There's always jobs at Boeing, or JPL. Lots of them!

S: Yes, I see them, but you have to have a physics doctorate for them.

G: I'm sure if you just went down there, they'd hire you.

S: It's a government facility. I can't just 'go down there'. I'd get arrested.

G: That's ridiculous. They're missing out then.

S: Yes, they sure are.

G: Have you thought about getting married so your husband can support you while you 'write'?

S: I can hear your air quotes, Grandma.

G: What are air quotes?

S: Never-mind. So how's your library job?

G: Very good - meeting lots of nice people. Maybe the library is where you can meet nice boys.

S: Hum...sure. How about instead I drive up to see you this week. Are you free?

G: Yes! I need help re-wallpapering the bathroom.

S: Actually, that sounds fun...I do like home projects...

G: There's this really nice boy at the hardware store where I got the wallpaper. He's got 5 kids, but I gave him your phone number.

S: Now we're onto boys? What happened to the job grilling?

G: You can meet lots of boys at your receptionist job.

S: Ok then, gotta run. Bye!


Sara hangs up and immediately re-dials Mom.

Mom: Hello?

S: Just got off the phone with Grandma. She's telling me I should get married and be a receptionist.

Mom: I'm sorry honey. Want to move home? Your room is all ready, and I can get you a job where I work. There's even some nice young men there.

S : Click...buzz....

5 comments:

The Mother said...

Ha, ha, ha ...ahem...(cough)

Cheryl said...

Grandmas are great, aren't they? And my parents' solution to every problem I've ever had has always involved me moving home.

the brother said...

Thanks for taking the heat off of me!!!

Tracy Lynn said...

Sweet...I used to have problems like that, til I went nuts and my kidneys punked out.

Not sure how far you're willing to go to get approval, though.

Fitèna said...

lol! Lovely!
My paternal aunties have been calling me too for the same purpose!
I love the bit about the guy with 5 kids! You'd get ready made kids to share your watch with! Imagine the lucky kids getting a Girl Bond Mummy!? lol!
Fitèna