Monday, May 29, 2006

And crown thy good, from sandwich-hood...

Really, there's something about the tea sandwich that makes it superior to all other forms of sandwich. It feels like a rural class-based society. The low-class unemployed Subway party sandwich, the only variation being the indentured servant class, aka 6 inch Quiznos. The mid-low class honda-driving home-made processed pre-cut Dagwood sandwich, the middle-class fresh cut (preferably Jewish) Deli sandwich, high-class expensive L.A. restaurant panini, and the Hilton/Gates/Trump class...the high tea sandwich. Unlike bling, or breast size, the smaller the sandwich... the higher the class.

So High Tea at the Huntington is more like the Circus Circus of High Teas. It's the children-accepted, cheapest-off-the-strip, roast-beef-carving-station... tea. An all you can eat buffet, very Americanized. The cranberry scones are the redheaded bastard stepchildren of English sweet cream scones, and devon clotted cream is replaced with just whipped cream, from a can. A CAN. However, they do have little mini-jars of jam that you can take home with you, a small but important step up from smuckers packets. Also, watercress in sandwiches gives an air of superiority that lettuce just can't compete with.

But, amongst all the attempts at sophistication, the fat American in me clings to the McDonalds drive-thru mentality where more is better, and in patriotic support of my homeland and adopted Paris Hilton class, the more watercress egg salad sandwiches I can cram in my mouth, the better.


Tracy Lynn said...

Dude, the visual of you with watercress sandwiches stuffed in your mouth is priceless. Priceless I say!

Cheryl said...

I do like a good Dagwood's sandwich. And I do drive a Honda. Guess I know where I stand.

And we all know Paris eats Carl's Jr. burgers, so I think the real watercress class is so classy that we've never heard of them.

Schrodinger's Kitten said...

Tracy - sadly, that visual has been enjoyed by many a tea patron. I do it frequently.

Cheryl - We may need T-shirts now... 'Classy like Watercress'

Hyperion said...

The tea sandwich is nowhere close to the best ever. I actually achieved the greatest sandwich two years ago at Christmas. I'd tell you about it, but you'd feel so awful that you couldn't experience it that you'd probably commit ritualistic sepuku in frustration.

However, we need look no further than Homer Simpson. When golfing with Mr. Burns Homer got caught in a sand trap and Mr. Burns shouts, "Use an open-face club...a sand wedge!"

Homer starts drooling and says, "MMMMMM.....Open-faced Club Sandwich."

That an a hundred others are better than Tea sandwiches.