Thursday, May 04, 2006

Ballerina or Fireman


My friend Mauryia and I were discussing what we were going to be when we finally grew up. I suggested fireman, but she said ballerina. After shoving a smaller child in my ballet class, I was banned, so that was out. Turning to income-free ideas, we also had to narrow it down and consider if we should be whores, or nuns. She says 'Having sex with god is so not cool'. And I tend to agree. Plus, marrying god when you're an athiest - may not fly. I'll have to call the Pope and ask, but I'm thinking he's not in the mood.

But God...
Not now, Sara, I have a headache.

So I decided. I'm going to be a trophy wife.

I've got the Martha Stewart/Betty Crocker stuff down pat. What I need to work on is the trophy part. The part where I'm super-georgeous and don't know it. Also my celebrity knowledge (I'm going to subscribe to Star - that should do it) and designer labels. If I can't tell a Versace from a Chanel - then how can I scoff at those wearing last year's design? Gold chains are so last season. I'm so embarassed for you.

I hear I also need to buy a tiny dog. And a tiny dog carrier.

Most importantly, I need to get lots of Botox so my face can't move and lose 10 years in age. I think 32 is FAR too old for a trophy wife. The Malibu-enforced cap is 22.

I also should work on my party-face. You know, the one where you look genuinely interested in what the men are saying, and yet won't retain anything afterward when the DA calls to investigate insider trading?

Oh - and the best part? I'm getting the frontal lobotomy tomorrow. Watch out world! Here I....wait, what was I saying?

4 comments:

Tracy Lynn said...

Dude....I'm actually speechless. I think it's the idea of you somehow becoming vapid. It just boggles the mind.

Schrodinger's Kitten said...

That is the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me! That I could never be a trophy wife... wait...
I think that's nice...
Um...

Fitèna said...

Ask me why this post is making me lol. I have no idea. I think its the way you right! I love your style!

Am with T. L. here!

Best regards Shro!
Fitèna

Cheryl said...

Of course God won't sleep with you if you don't believe in him! God needs commitment. What, do you think God's a whore?