Sunday, May 21, 2006

Clap, Clap, N-G-O!

I ran up and down the aisle while things were thrown at me in Hamburger Mary's West Hollywood thinking "I better get a gift basket from a hot drag queen for being ridiculed like this." And I did!

Ah yes, Charity Drag Queen Bingo, with Belle-Aire, the drag queen, Bingo-boy, (her?) non-dragged out sidekick, and a Dolly Parton impersonator. She looked exactly like her. It was disturbing so much that I talked with other people I didn't know at our table about it. And if you know how much I hate talking to people I don't know...that will tell you how much she looked like Dolly. My friend Bari said "You mean the sheep?"

Do you call a drag queen 'her'? I assume so. It would be rude to presume she's got the equipment that makes her a man, especially since she's trying so hard to conceal it. That's her in the photo up there. Yes, someone pointed out it looks like me a bit, and that's the second time I've been referred to as a drag queen in the past month. Ahem. But honestly...I wasn't her biggest fan, since she looks way hotter than me. And that's very unfair. Or ironic. I can't decide.

As I called out BINGO! I had a surge of performance anxiety...'Please don't spank me'. Actually that's the lesser of the punishments, so that's ok. But I ran up and down the aisle being pelted with discarded losing Bingo cards and then was given a big prize. Pretty cool. Too bad there were no straight men in the place, one of them would have wanted to go home with me and my spiffy prize. A Beverly Hills Hotel robe, expensive champagne, flowers in a crystal vase, and a free haircut and spa stuff from Aveda (I really need a haircut, so that's the best part). Bari and Ray were super jealous...ok, not really...they were glad they didn't have to run the aisles, and possibly be spanked by a drag queen.

But the whole reason you go, besides the gifts, performance anxiety, and to see a man in drag is for the call-outs. A simple example...when Belle Aire screams B-4, you say, "Not after, but B-4!". "G-68, You do me, and I'll owe you one." "B-11, legs to heaven" "G-69 Dinner for two, sauce on the side." I'm a prude, yes, but those are funny. Especially if you're screaming sex jokes with 200 other people you don't know in a restaurant in West Hollywood. A bit disturbing...but that's why we were all there. And to win, so being that this is the first time I've won...nanny-nanny.


Tracy Lynn said...

OMG, that sounds so cool that I am completely and totally JEALOUS!

*gnashing of teeth*

I bet you'll look fantastic with your new do.

Cheryl said...

As for the gender question, I heard one drag queen sum it up like this: "Drag queens are not women trapped in men's bodies. They are celebrities trapped in normal people's bodies."